don't fade away
by cyclothimic
Summary: "Daisy, what have you done?" Her voice was filled with concern and dismay, because her Daisy wouldn't abandon her family, her Daisy would stick and see it through, and god her Daisy wouldn't look like this. She had missed it. She couldn't believe she missed it. [part 6 of the Quake series]
**i hate comic adaptation tv i honestly hate them so much they have such disrespect towards women i mean first arrow and then flash and now agents of shield i can't even ugh i'm so fucking angry i'm literally so tired of tv**

* * *

 _Who's to say we'll be okay_

 _We will make it through the night_

 _Don't wanna wake up in this state_

 _I just want us both to smile_

 _-Ice-cream, Ciara Newell_

* * *

Things were far from fine. They had been through hell, and back – quite literally. Fitz even claimed that he saw the devil himself before he had to eliminate the devil. There was still so much they had to do. Gideon Malick being at the top of the list, of course, things weren't done if he was the stubborn head everyone said he was.

Things were _far_ from fine, but they were at least tolerable when she got to wake up next to the woman she loved. Jemma snuggled closer into Daisy's arms, pretending she was still asleep and just relish in the rare moments of warmth she was getting before she had to get back to work.

After Maveth, after Grant Ward died – per Coulson's vengeful thirst – Daisy had to recuperate in the med bay for around two weeks. She wanted to get out, of course, because she was Daisy Johnson and she could never feel useful without doing something despite everyone's reassurance. Nevertheless, one stubborn alien patient still couldn't refute against the words of three medical professionals, all telling her to _sit her ass down and let them do their damn jobs_ – Bobbi's words, not hers.

They kept dancing around one another, not addressing the big elephant between them sitting on their chests. Jemma didn't know why Daisy didn't bring it up, but maybe the reason was the same as hers. They hadn't had any amicableness between them since they pulled Daisy out of the Monolith; they weren't sure that it would remain the same if they addressed the issue.

She just wanted some peace and quiet. With Daisy. She wanted to talk about the most unimportant of matters, like the weather or the color of the sheets. She wanted to joke about the awful pickup lines that Daisy used to drop on her while Fitz or Bobbi or some others were on the sidelines watching, either impressed or unimpressed with Daisy's ability to come up with them. She wanted to sit in a room with Daisy – bystanders notwithstanding – and just be.

And Daisy probably wanted the same thing, which was why neither of them had breached the subject.

They really only had themselves to blame after that because things had become so chaotic and messy that they never had the chance to talk. After Daisy's recuperation, Coulson had sent her, Bobbi, Hunter and Joey on a manhunt for an a thief Inhuman in Bogota, to which Jemma had offered her disapproval and Daisy had agreed to without so much as a hesitation, and because Jemma knew her so well she could even identify the look on Daisy's face as excitement.

While Jemma was worrying about Daisy's health, Coulson then had to drag her and Fitz away to extract information Von Strucker. Extracting information sounded nicer, but if she were to be honest, she almost wanted to rebuke Coulson for making her and Fitz starting up the cruel machine that had given him so much pain.

When she came back, there was a new light in Daisy's eyes and Jemma couldn't help but smile at that. She hadn't seen that look in a long time.

"Her name's Elena Rodriguez. Mack calls her Yo-yo," Daisy said as she made herself coffee while Jemma sat there, waiting for her own cup. "I think he has a thing for her."

Jemma gratefully accepted the cup from her. "She must have been really pretty for Mack to take a liking on her," she replied.

Daisy gave it some thought before shaking her head resolutely. "I don't think it's so much as her looks than her personality. That woman has got _spice_ ," she emphasized.

"Yeah?" Jemma grimaced at one sip from the cup and groaned. "I thought you hated black coffee."

Daisy's smile dimmed a little and she gave a slight nod. "Had a slight change of taste."

The biochemist only nodded in acceptance and dragged over the container of sugar. "It's okay," she reassured, making sure that Daisy knew she meant more than just coffee.

* * *

She should have seen it coming. After she had tested out Creel's blood, she had thought the results would please the Inhumans, instead it had just plunged them into a minor civil war that could easily break out into a big one if they somehow lost control of their temper and decide to tear the entire base apart.

And the way that Daisy had looked at her when Jemma made the announcement, she wasn't sure if she could ever forget it. There was betrayal and anger, but those weren't the worst of it. No, Jemma had been rooted on the spot when she saw the hint of monstrosity in those eyes, as if Daisy had lost that humanity in her for a second, as if the idea of less Inhumans in the world was a problem.

Jemma agreed that it was a birthright, but she had also seen the destruction some Inhumans could invoke across the world and she wasn't sure she could trust other Inhumans that were not part of the Secret Warriors enough to not look more into the vaccine that could remove the alien gene from harmful Inhumans. And she spoke her point, because she had promised herself that she wouldn't ever lie to Daisy.

That was probably when Daisy stopped talking to her again. She didn't know what was wrong with the two of them. They just never seemed to be able to get it right.

The last time they kissed, it was out of frustration and yearning that had gone on for far too long.

" _I think we're somehow cursed_ ," Daisy had whispered against her lips, her voice strangled and miserable.

Maybe they were. Maybe they just weren't supposed to get it right, no matter how much she loved the woman. Maybe they were better off without each other. But damn it, she looked at Daisy and her insides would be burgeoning with the need to touch her and to be near her and to love her like her life depended on it.

And she was terrified because Daisy had _changed_ into someone – or something, Jemma still couldn't be sure – that honestly scared her and Jemma wasn't supposed to be scared of the woman she loved.

* * *

She couldn't blame Raina for looking surprised at her presence in her room. Even Jemma couldn't believe she had resorted to this.

"What wind blew you here to my humble room?" Raina asked, closing the book she was reading and leaning back against the pillow she had propped up against the wall.

Jemma swallowed, clenching her jaw. She might trust Raina as an Inhuman, but she couldn't decide if she could actually trust Raina as a person after the stunt she pulled to protect herself from Whitehall. But Daisy trusted Raina; Jemma needed to talk to someone Daisy trusted.

"I need someone to talk to about Daisy," Jemma finally said after prolonged contemplation. "Daisy trusts you."

Raina cocked a brow; Jemma briefly wondered if she could ever not get the shivers at the thorns littering her skin. "And do you?"

"I'm not sure."

The Inhuman smirked and then heaved a sigh. She tilted her head towards the only chair in her room and said, "Grab a seat. And close the door." At Jemma's hesitation, she added, "I won't try to penetrate you or anything; you're not the enemy." Jemma entered, closing the door behind her and sitting down. "Now, what do you want to talk about?"

Jemma fidgeted with her hands. "Something is going on with her," she started. She looked up at Raina carefully and recognized the knowing look on Raina's face. "You noticed too." Raina remained silent. Jemma didn't know what she expected; the woman always was enigmatic. "What is going on, Raina?"

Raina crossed her arms, looking away in contemplation. "A lot has happened to her in Maveth," she simply stated.

"Yes, I know."

" _Something_ essentially has changed. It's elemental. It's necessary. It's inevitable."

"Raina, it's _scaring_ me."

"It's scaring everyone," Raina disclosed with a shrug. "We even had a closed discussion among the Secret Warriors about this."

"Then why aren't you doing _something_ about it?"

Raina gave her a burning look. "Unless we've been there to experience it, Simmons, I don't think anyone of us could do anything about it." She sighed. "If it makes you feel any better, we're keeping a close eye on her. We're trying to…subtly reach out to her." She then made a one-shouldered shrug. "Though I don't really know how to help since there's been a breach within the team after that whole fiasco with the vaccine, thanks to you."

"I wasn't – I was only trying to help!"

"Next time, if you want to help, you might want to be more careful with the info you divulge. After all, we are a bunch of unknown genetically modifications that are volatile and dangerous if situations go south."

* * *

How much more could they lose before Coulson gives up?

Jemma had to admit, there were more times than she could count where she just wanted Coulson to call it quits so she could drag Daisy away to somewhere far, far away and lived their lives. Ever since she was pulled out of the Academy to join this ragtag team of misfits, she had experienced more loss and misery than she had in her life before.

And she wanted it back. The life back at the Academy, where everything was just textbook and secret underground hangouts and random one night stands with handsome fellas, she wanted that.

She idolized Bobbi Morse. That woman was an encompassment of brains and brawns, with the looks to go along with it. And she had been a true friend. Bobbi had been there when she lost Daisy the first time and the second time; she had been patient when she was coaching Jemma on how to handle a weapon and how to use it to its maximum potential. Bobbi had been there to offer coffee or biscuits when Daisy came back and isolated herself from all of them.

She liked Hunter. He was probably the only one on the base who understood the randomest of British customs that Jemma could bring up, even though Jemma could never understand what Bobbi saw in him. She liked him, still.

And to lose them both at once, under such unfair circumstances, Jemma could hardly bear it. She was losing two friends, one who taught her and one who played with her. She tried to help in securing their release without charges, but honestly, her expertise wasn't in politics and the sciences of deception. If she could whip up a chemical formula that could help them, she would, without hesitation.

She always hated alcohol; parting shots more. Yet these were her two friends, who she had grown close to over the past year and a half, and if she couldn't even hug them and give them a proper goodbye, she would damn well drink this parting shot as a sign of respect and gratitude, to let them know that she would _never_ forget them.

Once she exited the bar with Fitz tailing behind her, she turned around and buried her head in his chest, finally allowing herself to cry. She didn't even care that she was standing in the middle of the sidewalk with everyone milling about them; she just needed a _second_ to mourn the parting of their friends.

That night, when she was curled up in her room, sobbing into her blanket, her room door opened and Daisy's silhouette moved into the room. She waited for Daisy to crawl under the blanket, though she didn't expect Daisy's lips on her collarbone and her hand unzipping her jeans, but she welcomed it. She _needed_ it.

The next morning, she woke up bare naked under her blanket and a rumpled pillow next to her, her companion of the night long gone.

* * *

Ward was still alive. Well, something that had took over Ward's body as a host. It still made her skin crawl to see Ward's face stark on the big screen; and she remembered how he had looked at her and Fitz right in the eyes when he dropped them into the ocean. It was the same face.

Upon their capture of Giyera, Daisy had given her a call upon Zephyr One. Jemma expressed her surprised, because after their night together, they hadn't spoken a word to one another, except for a supporting hand on her shoulder during the case with Edwin Abbot.

"I just…I wanted to hear your voice," Daisy confessed.

Jemma couldn't help but smile. "We really need to talk, Daisy."

"We do."

And then the ship was sabotaged by Giyera.

* * *

It was ironic, how almost immediately after her promise that she wouldn't lie to Daisy again; she would be doing exactly the thing she had vowed against.

Ill-advised as it was to lock the Inhumans up in a room until they were proven that they weren't under Hive's influence, the team couldn't come up with the best alternative. And Jemma was terrified when she saw a displeased Phyllis and a very enraged Lincoln. Her heart ached when Venus refused to listen to Fitz and just sidled up to Minho. She felt sorry when Elena – whom she was meeting for the first time – hissed at Mack and recoiled from his touch.

Daisy had tried to calm them down, obviously understanding the way Coulson's mind operated and convinced them that the more they acted out, the more suspicious they were. Jemma was convinced that Daisy was definitely uninfected, judging by how cooperative she was to go along with the trap Coulson had set up and how she defended SHIELD against the Secret Warriors without relenting.

It relieved Jemma to think that Daisy was still on their side and that she wanted what was best for everyone. Maybe she hadn't changed that much.

But then again, she should have seen it coming.

And she saw it coming too late when Daisy came to her and told her that they should just run away from this mess. That was when it clicked and her heart beat faster and her brain was filled with the dread that had been hiding in the back of her mind for far too long because she chose to ignore the warning signs.

"Daisy, what have you done?" Her voice was filled with concern and dismay, because her Daisy wouldn't abandon her family, her Daisy would stick and see it through, and _god_ her Daisy wouldn't look like _this_. She had missed it. She couldn't believe she missed it.

And when she woke up from the blow that Daisy had delivered to her head, it was all but too late.

* * *

"How many times do I have to lose her, Fitz?" she asked, once Fitz had seen the look on her face and the exhaustion dragging her movements and decided that she deserved a private moment without Mack in their ears.

She couldn't be more grateful that Coulson was nothing if not stubborn at the moment because of all the decisions he had made over the last weeks, this was one that she was on board with wholeheartedly. And she would do _anything_ to get her back, even if it meant that she had to go undercover and do the one thing she was the worst at.

It was also the first time in quite a long time she saw the Secret Warriors so united on the front and so determined. It just went to show how much Daisy was loved and how important she was to everyone. She was a part of many families and she was the key to everything that kept them together.

They simply couldn't afford to lose her, much less Jemma Simmons.

"You can't give up on her, Jemma," Fitz said.

"No, I would never," she gasped, aghast that he would even suggest it. "I'm just…" She lifted the flute of champagne and drank. "I'm so tired of losing her. I'm tired of losing the people in my life. It's all so exhausting."

Fitz looked at her for a moment before he moved closer to her, taking her hand in a comforting gesture. "You know, when I first talked to Venus, I couldn't help but think about when we talked about thermodynamics equilibrium while we were trapped in the pod." Jemma looked at him curiously. "I thought: energy, how it is eternal and lasting and how we could never compare to its essentialness and the beauty of it. And then I thought, Venus could beat it, because Venus was talking and I was listening to her voice and I believed that her voice was so beautiful they couldn't just get rid of it so easily. It would resonate as energy and reform into something beautiful. Like a monkey."

Jemma laughed. One day, she really had to get Fitz a monkey so he would shut up about it.

"To you, I know Daisy is the same thing. And you need to believe that. You need to believe that Daisy can't be gotten rid of so easily, because if anyone is the toughest among us, it's her. You need to believe that under all that hate and supposed reborn and manipulation that Hive has done, Daisy was still in the core of her and Daisy is trying so hard to break out of that shell. To rebel against the evil she met on Maveth."

Jemma smiled and nodded. "I could always rely on you for some piece of wisdom."

"I'll always be here."

And she needed to believe that Daisy would always be here too. She couldn't stop. She would stop at nothing to get Daisy back, and then they would talk.

* * *

 **fuck fitzsimmons**


End file.
